By Lawrence Vos (@NFLFANINENGLAND & @Full10Retro)
As you root around that tub of Quality Tai ‘Street’s for the last remaining purple one, here at the Full 10 yards we are feeling Howard ‘Fest’ive so we have donned our tasteless ‘Jumpy'(ers) Geathers, downed a double shot of Al egg ‘Nog’a and decided to light the Dick ‘Night’ Train Lane sky with some past and present Christmas themed NFL players and coaches.
To start with in this former Chargers NT Blaise ‘Winter’ season we are all hoping that it will be a Steelers rookie LB Devin ‘White’ Christmas, with a coating of former Chiefs LB Percy ‘Snow’. If there is enough Super Bowl winning former Colts long snapper Justin ‘Snow’ maybe you can make a snow Eli ‘Man’ning, using some ‘Cole’ Beasley for the eyes or buttons, and wrap him up with a Ravens rookie TE Charles ‘Scarff’.
Now you need to be prepared for the big day, so you will need the following:
- Some S Taylor ‘Rapp’ing paper
- A bag of former Chiefs WR Dwayne ‘Bowe’s
- A roll of Liberiaan born FB Thomas (Sello)’Tapeh’
- A pile of Christmas ‘Card(s)inals’
- A Christmas Eve double NFL Championship winning Cloyce ‘Box’ for the kids
- A bag of Super Bowl winning OL Tom ‘Nut’ten(s)
- A Shannon ‘Sharpe’ knife to DE Shante ‘Carve’r the J.J. ‘Bird’en
- Some Bert ‘Pig’ott’(s) in legendary coach ‘Blan’da(kets).
Little children will be listening for the sound of 1932 All-Pro ‘Father’ Lumpkin and ‘Christ(mas)tian’ McCaffrey to chortle a Super Bowl winning WR Tory ‘Ho’lt, DeAndre ‘Ho’pkins, and a Chiefs legend Priest ‘Ho’lmes as he comes down the former Raiders CB ‘Chimdi’ Chekwa.
If you are hoping for presents you best leave a couple of 96 game veteran DE Jeremy ‘Mince’y pies with a Lions G Graham ‘Glas(s)gow’ of 1960s LB John ‘Milk’s for the man with the big white eight-year 49er legend Ed ‘Beard’.
When we get past the whole commercialism of Christmas we need to remember what this time is all about – the birth of former Barcelona Dragons K ‘Jesus’ Angoy, born in a former Jets C Nick ‘Mang(er)old’ in the presence of three Super Bowl winning DL Deatrich ‘Wise’ men. Those wise men brought ‘Gold’en Tate, DE’ Frank’(incense) Clark, and ‘Lights-Out’ Shawne ‘Merr’imen.
The wise men followed a bright ‘Star’ Lotulelei or was it a shining Super Bowl MVP Bart ‘Starr’ all the way to Antoine ‘Beth(lehem)ea’ riding some little Aaron ‘Don(key)alds’.
Now this time would not be the same without some festive music. Our top ten Full 10 Christmas hits are:
- 80s Super Bowl winning T Don ‘Last’er Christmas
- ‘Monte’ and his Chocolate Salty ‘Ball’s
- Christmas Time, Don’t let the LeVeon ‘Bell’(s) end
- Former Bills G Joe ’Stay’sniak another day
- Old Giants WR John ‘Mistle(toe)r’ and Sheldrick Red’Wine’
- ‘Rock’ Ya-Sin-ing around the Christmas tree
- Happy Xmas War is former Panthers LS Matt ‘Over’ton
- ‘Santa’na Moss Claus is coming to town
- Hammond Pros 1925 G ‘Wop’ The Little ‘Drumstead’er Boy
- Do they ‘Know’shon Moreno its Christmas Time at all (the original version)
On behalf of everyone at the Full 10 Yards family we wish you and your Family a three-time Super Bowl winner Mike ‘Merri‘weather ‘Christ‘ian ‘Nigerial Nightmare’ Okoye ‘Mas‘on Crosby and a former Saints K ‘Happy‘ Feller, Cam ‘New‘ton, and old Jets DE William ‘Year‘by.